As the play gets closer, I’m becoming more and more stressed about it. I feel as if I’ve learned my lines, but then I come back to the script hours later, and I’ve forgotten half of them. It’s very frustrating. I’m supposed to be off book for rehearsal tonight, but I’m afraid that I won’t be ready. I have to go on a business trip next week, which is causing me to miss 2 rehearsals. I’m frustrated by this. I wouldn’t have signed up to do a show if I had known work would be springing a trip on me 3 weeks before performance. I’m sure the directors are frustrated by this as well, but there’s nothing I can do. I did offer to come to any extra or other rehearsals they may want to schedule due to my recent conflicts. I guess we’ll see what happens.
In other news, I don’t know what’s up with me lately. I’m literally tired all the time. I wake up tired, and I go to sleep tired, and I’m tired all day! What is wrong with me?! Sometimes I just prefer to joke about it and say that I’m dying and be done with it. I mean, I know I’m not dying, but it’s a lot easier than listing out my many problems. I hate having so many problems. I hate taking so many medications. Why can’t they just find me one pill that will do the trick? “Voila! Magic Pill!” Whatever, it’s just frustrating.
In other news, my birthday is in a month. Hubs and I were going to go on a trip of sorts to celebrate it, but in a stroke of “adulthood” I told him we should save the money and stay home. As such, I now have 2 days off work and no place to go. I’m kind of bummed that we aren’t going to go anywhere, honestly. And I know how he is, and that he won’t plan some big birthday bash like I really want, but instead he’ll plan some quiet couple thing just for the two of us. I don’t get the boy. I could spell out for him what I want, and he’d still be confused. Then again, sometimes I’m confused by it all, too, so I guess I can’t really blame him for the confusion. It’s tough trying to figure a woman out. As for presents, everything I want is ridiculously expensive, and anything less will undoubtedly leave me a bit sad. I want things like a new fence for the yard (as ours is falling apart), a room finished in the house (as he’s been “working on the house” since we met and only actually FINISHED 1 room), landscaping for my yard, etc. Nothing I was equates to cheap. But nothing I want is stupid either. Everything I want will increase the value of my home, so it’s really more of an investment than a gift. However, that’s now how the hubs sees it. Not to mention, we really just don’t have the money for it all right now.
I hate money. It’s the only thing that really stresses me out in the world. I hate paying off my student loans, I hate saving to have a child, I hate it I hate it I hate it. This is how I see it: Any money that I may have now has to be saved for having children. Once I have children, I will not have money to go have fun because all said money must go to children. I will then be old and too old and tired to enjoy any money that has been saved. This is how I think it should be: Yes, pay off debt right now, but also have fun with what’s leftover. When I have children I will somehow make it work, like many generations before. Then when I’m old, I’ll enjoy what’s there, or just be old and who cares. I don’t see how saving saving saving to the point of no fun right now can possibly make my life better. I get that you have to have money for a rainy day, but seriously? I think my hubs is crazy when it comes to money. It’s the only thing that we ever argue about, and it’s something we always argue about. I hate it. I want to go to the barter system.