It was hard. I cried… a lot. I had to sit in my car for a while after we got out and cry before I could drive home. Then after getting home, I cooked dinner, we ate, and then I broke down crying again apologizing to hubs for doing what I did and driving this wedge between us. He’s lost his trust in me. He’s scared I’ll do it again. He doesn’t understand why I did it to begin with. I’ve placed a wedge between us, and our problems are my fault. I’m starting to cry again, and I’m at work, so I’ll stop now.
The counselor want to see us one on one before seeing us as a couple again. Next week hubs goes, week after the guy’s on vacation, week after I go. We’ll see how it all goes. Like I said… there’s a huge THING between us now, and I put it there. Hopefully this guy can help us move it, so that we can trust each other again… or he can trust me anyway. He still loves me, I know that. But what is love with no trust? Sure he trusts me not to cheat on him or do anything like that. But he doesn’t trust me not to kill myself, and that’s a big deal. He doesn’t trust me to be a responsible adult. And my pattern of behavior has built his mistrust. Again, I have to stop, because I’m starting to cry, and crying at work is just tacky.
In other news, my best friend comes into town today. I’m excited. Girl time will be fun. I’m sure there will be tears and laughter. I look forward to it. Pedicures are scheduled for tomorrow, so that’s awesome. I look forward to a fun time with her. Probably won’t write again until bestie leaves.