Just another site

This isn’t a real post. May 22, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — aasouthernbelle @ 1:17 am

I feel like I should post something, but I don’t know what.  I always come up with the most awesome ideas for what I should write about, but when I sit down to write, all of it just flies out of my head.

I’m trying to make a beautiful garden in my yard – the kind you see in a Better Homes & Garden magazine.  I don’t know if that’s ever going to happen, but hopefully this weekend I’ll finish on getting it started.  I’m excited by the idea of having beautiful flowers in my yard.  Flowers make me happy.

I want to go to Vegas.  I’ve never been, and I think it would be a lot of fun.  My birthday is coming up in July, and I’m seriously dreading it.  The big 3 – 0.  What a nightmare!  I’m dreading it.  All I can hope is that my husband plans something fun enough to make me forget how much I don’t want it to happen.

I’m seeing a new chiropractor.  I really like her, but I can’t help hoping that all of this was over, and I could just be pain free.  Here’s hoping, right?!


Long time no see… Been missing you, baby… May 20, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — aasouthernbelle @ 12:36 am

Life has been hard lately.  I’m working at a flower shop and looking for opportunities elsewhere.  I’ve been dealing with a higher depression level on a daily basis than usual.  It’s hard to make myself get up and go when my life isn’t where I want it to be.  I just keep trying to remind myself that so many people are in worse situations.  So many people are without a job at all.  So many people are struggling to pay their bills.  Hubs and I are blessed to have all that we have.  … But on my bad days, it’s hard to remember that.  On my bad days, I struggle a bit.  Luckily, I don’t have as many bad days as good days, though.  


Life can be trying. March 8, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — aasouthernbelle @ 10:10 pm
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I’ve been unemployed now since mid January.  It sucks.  Don’t let anyone tell you differently.  I search for new job postings every day, and I apply for the ones that I’m qualified for.  This has resulted in one phone interview and one face-to-face interview.  The phone interview led to nothing.  The face-to-face was today, so I guess we’ll see how that turns out.

I have managed to organize and clean several things that I had been putting off, though.  We have a room on the outside of our house (as in, you enter from the outside, and it’s just a closet, it doesn’t go anywhere).  Hubs had never cleaned this room out since buying the house.  (He bought the house before he and I met).  I tackled said room.  Photos are below to show exactly what a task this was.  (Please excuse the poor quality, as all photos were taken with my iPod).


This is the bottom shelf of the closet before I got started.  Notice how there are cans upon cans of paint?  Yeah, those are not from our use.  All of this was from previous owners.


This one’s super blurry, but you can see how the paint cans continue on the shelves above.


This is what things looked like once I just started pulling everything off the shelves.  I was like, “Empty the closet.  Throw things away.  Put stuff back in neatly.”

Now, I didn’t take any pictures while I worked, because, well, I was working.  BUT I did take some great pictures once the job was done.  Check it out.


That’s right.  See that beauty?  Now there’s also Christmas decorations that didn’t fit before.


Also, if you can tell from the AWFUL quality of the picture above, the Halloween decorations fit as well.  And to top it off, EVERYTHING IS LABELED.  It’s wonderful.

I found a label maker in the closet while cleaning that I have begun using throughout the house now.  I’m completely obsessed with labeling and organizing, and I need to find a job so I can get back to normal.


When did it all get so complicated? January 31, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — aasouthernbelle @ 1:31 am

I  miss the days when life was simple.  I had a job, but all my money went toward gas and fun.  My biggest concern was whether or not I’d be allowed to go out with my boyfriend the next weekend.  (Or if I’d have a boyfriend the next weekend).  These days life is quite different from all that.  Things aren’t nearly as simple.

I’ve been unemployed for a few weeks now, and looking for employment sucks.  I hate being in the mass of unemployed people searching for a job and just hoping I might get lucky enough for an interview.  Then hoping they like me enough during the phone interview to get another phone interview.  Then, perhaps, I’ll be lucky enough to get a face-to-face interview.  Seriously?!  It’s all so exhausting.  I’ve applied for so many jobs – jobs I know I’ll never get a call for an interview for simply because I’m “over qualified” or some other typical stupid excuse, jobs that I know I’d be good at but I also know I’d hate… all because I need to have an income.  As much as hubs and I might wish we were a one income household we are not.  I have brought too much debt into this marriage (student loans) for us to be able to firmly rely upon his income alone.

Then there’s the case that after being with the same company for the past 10 years, hubs has decided he’s unhappy.  No, he’s not going to just leave without another job lined up, but the entire thing makes for awkward times at home.  How can I support him and uplift him when I can’t even do it for myself?  I’m unhappy most of the time these days.  I was wrongly accused and forced to resign because of it.  I feel guilty where I should not.  I feel to blame where I am not.  And the entire thing weighs on my heart in ways that I cannot describe.

I cry at the simplest of things.  I want to cry all of the time, but crying makes the constant headache that I’ve been living with even worse than usual.  The downward spiral to “depression land” has made the physical pain worse, as depression causes pain and vice-versa.  It’s all rather depressing even to just read about.  I’m just one huge wall of self-pity, and the act of self-pity is, in itself, exhausting.

I don’t dislike myself.  I honestly don’t even feel sorry for myself.  I know that somehow hubs and I will pull through all of this, and we’ll be stronger because of it.  But none of that means I have to enjoy myself in the mean time, and I most certainly am not.

I have an interview tomorrow… Just the thought makes me want to go throw up.


Long time no see… So much to catch up on January 15, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — aasouthernbelle @ 6:53 pm

It’s been quite a while since I posted anything.  Suffice it to say that quite a bit has happened.  I left my previous job and started teaching high school girls.  Then we went to CA for Christmas.  Then we celebrated our anniversary.  Then I got suspended from my new job.

I can’t go into all of the details, because I don’t want anyone from my real world to read this and end up sued or something.  Short version with barely any details would be that false accusations were made and now I’m suspended until an investigation is completed.  I’m being treated guilty until they prove my innocence, but I don’t think that they’ll find me innocent.  I think they’ll make “an example” of me.  The longer I sit at home, the longer I think about it, and the more I think that I’ll be getting fired.  The students seem to hate me.  And so many things that I have said could be manipulated and twisted to sound like I’m guilty of something.

I’m probably the most depressed I’ve been in a while.  I just feel numb… no happy and no real sadness either, though I did have a few tears fall earlier while I reflected on what a failure I’ve turned out to be.  I was a straight A student with worlds of potential.  I failed at graduate school, only managing to make it through a Master’s program when the goal was a PhD.  I have a degree in Math, which pretty much means squat.  It means, “Why didn’t you take more programming classes, so that you could get a real job?”  I was laid off from my first “real world” job after only 2 years.  Then I hated my next job.  Now I’m about to lose a third.

What is WRONG with me?!  Why can’t I just find something and be good at it?  I’m terrified that I’m going to fail at everything I ever try.  Am I going to be a failure forever?


Life is Stressful November 8, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — aasouthernbelle @ 10:44 pm

I haven’t really felt inspired to write, which is why I’ve been absent.  I did think that I might should update anyway.  I apologize for the list-like nature of the post.

  • I will be starting a new job in January.  I have not notified the company I work for yet.  I figure I’ll give them notice in December.  In any case, I will be teaching high school mathematics, and I am very excited.  I miss teaching, and I’m happy that I’ll be doing it again.  Though I haven’t taught high school before, I’m still excited to simply be in the classroom again.
  • In other news, not long after we had to replace the heating/cooling unit in our home, the transmission went out on my car.  Money problems leave me very stressed out.  I hate money problems.  
  • I’m looking forward to seeing my family for Thanksgiving.  I love my nieces and nephews, and I always love spending time with them.  
  • I organized by office/craft room last night.  It looks SO much better.  It’s still not quite where I want it to be, but it is SO much closer.  
  • I’m stuck in a meeting at work until 7:00 tonight.  I should probably try to pay attention, but, WOAH, is it boring.

breaking down? October 19, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — aasouthernbelle @ 6:12 pm

I think I’m having a bit of a breakdown.  The other night, Hubs and I got into an argument.  Only, it wasn’t really an argument.  It was more along the lines of Hubs asked me a question and I just started screaming and yelling and wanting to hit things.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  When I started to calm down, I just kept scratching myself.  It was the first time I’ve ever wanted to hurt myself.  I didn’t want to off myself or anything dramatic like that, but I wanted to do something small that stung.  That’s a new thing for me.

I got a job offer to teach at a local high school today.  I don’t know whether or not to accept the job.  I miss teaching.  I’ve missed it since I stopped doing it.  But accepting this teaching position would mean taking a pay cut.  And so many things keep happening that require me to make more money, so that I don’t know whether or not to take this job that I know I would enjoy more.  We’re still paying off the AC unit in our house.  Then my transmission just died in my car, which is going to cost another pretty penny.  And I’m just scared that if I take a job with less money then we won’t be able to afford these things when they happen.  

I don’t do well with major life choices and monetary issues.  Perhaps that’s why I don’t do well with the whole “being an adult” thing.